I'm back and can now think more clearly.
I have been depressed for about eight years now, having had better and worse patches along the way. To accompany my depression I had an eating disorder and was self-harming. I've been in a hospital because of it and gone through hours and hours of therapy when I returned back into "normal life". I tried different medication, which I ditched because I wanted to feel and didn't want to arrange my life around the pills. I have learnt to cope with myself better with time, but every now and again I hit a low. I cry, do whatever I have to do and get back up again.
This time it wasn't rest or reflection that got me up. It was Himself having a terrible nightmare, which he kept to himself and it started to follow him into the daytime as well. He finally told me what was eating him and I tried my best to help him out of it. He had his first panic attack a few days ago and I brought him out for a walk at five in the morning to clear his head.
He looks at me in amazement and tells me I'm the strongest person he has ever known.
I personally don't think it's a matter of strenght. It's just that I can understand how he feels, it's a familiar situation for me and I'm able to keep my head clear.
Yeah, I really am strange. More at home with all things crazy than normal, everyday life... :D
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I had my (hopefully) last cigarette yesterday and today is the first day of nicotine patches!
Wish me luck! :) (I give me max three days...)
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I can totally relate with you on anti depression meds. It's like, you're not sad anymore, but you're not happy either. You're just flatlined, like whatever. Good luck on quitting smoking. It's tough, but doable. I've been off of them for almost 4 years now.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you are back up and running--I missed you. I wish you luck in quitting the cigarettes--I have a friend dying from them, so please, try extra hard!! :)
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