Dreams, tears and language barriers

Last night I dreamt I was home. In Finland, that is.

That was the first time I had such a dream without it being a nightmare. The last time I dreamt about Finland was year and a half ago, and in that dream I couldn't remember how to speak Finnish and no-one understood me. That was just before our last trip there.
This time I woke up confused and quite upset to find myself in my own bedroom, instead of being surrounded by snow and familiar places of my dream.

I know what brought it on. I really miss my dad, my hometown and my relatives. But what makes being away worse this time, is that my friend just got some exciting news. We've gone through a lot together and have always been there for each other. We could talk about everything and only lived half an hour away from each other, so when we felt like it, we could very easily meet up. The distance hasn't affected our relationship, but I miss meeting up and chatting face to face. And I'd love to be there for her, especially now.

The other reason for my dream just happened yesterday.
The day was normal enough; came home, went for a walk, got into bed.
Started our bedtime chat and that's when I said a word wrong. Just a slip, a past tense gone wrong, which happens to me every now and again when I get tired or try to explain something really fast.
Himself noticed that and started slagging me about it. I tried to laugh, but he took it too far and I ended up crying.
I'm not sensitive, I don't mind a bit of slagging and am usually the first person to laugh at myself. However, I don't appreciate native speakers of any language laughing at people who try to make an effort and speak their language. Himself has seen me cry because of people's ignorance so many times, that he really should know where to draw the line.

So today I'm missing home and the simplicity of speaking my own language. And wondering if by giving people in your life the means to hurt you, you also give them the right to do so, or at least risk it. Or should you be able to hand the weapons to the ones you love without a fear of getting hurt?

Today will be a better day. :)

Like cat, like owner

My cat Cleo has turned into a grumpy old lady.
She never really liked kids, she despises dogs (especially the small kind) and at the sight of visitors she escapes faster you can say cat.
With age these traits have become even more defined. Sauna is her hideout of choice, because the main sources of noise are usually in the livingroom or in the kitchen. She sits there on her little throne and thinks about important things, and is usually left alone.
This time, however, the people in her life decided that a picture of her with the wedding wreath would be a good idea. She tolerates my dad's silly ideas quite patiently, because she knows the interruption is only going to last for a little while. The picture was taken and she continued her meditation.

Today I'm wishing I'd have a little hideout as well.
Himself's friend stayed over last night, and they managed to wake me up before 8. Which is about 4 hours before my morning.
So I've been even more confused today than I'd usually be.
I needed to go to the estate agent's today, because the things we went to sort out for over two weeks ago still haven't been fixed. The door was locked, and that was something my sleepy brain couldn't understand. So I kept pushing it like an idiot, finally stopping when I noticed the funny looks passers-by were giving me.

I understood it must've been lunch hour, and went to do my foodshopping.
Which took ages, because I was distracted by everything. (I still notice shiny things, no matter how tired or grumpy!)
Got the veggies, was supposed to go back to the office, but ended up in e2 Music instead. Cheered myself up with Kung Fu Panda (€8, less than half of the usual price) and Garbage collection CD for €5. After that I finally got where I was supposed to go.

Garbage is playing and I'm escaping into my imaginary world. So in a way I found a hideout for a while. (Until 5 o'clock anyway)
Maybe I should call Cleo and ask for a copy of "Tips On How To Keep People Out Of Your Territory"

Home sweet home

People laughed at me, when I said this. And yet I'm going to say it again: Coming home felt like the first time I went to Spain. It was nearly magical, the way our little town transformed into a place full of life and lights.

The main reason obviously is the fact that after -32 degrees everything feels warm. We walked up to a friend's house on Saturday night and enjoyed the "warm" breeze. My customers complain about the cold, and I'm there enjoying being able to stand outside without my eyelashes freezing.

The life and lights -bit? Well, both my mom and my dad live in the sticks. You can't see the neighbours, there's no streetlights within miles and when you go outside, you can actually hear quiet. After over a week of that, our mainstreet looked like a tourist destination in a busy season. In a way I'm enjoying it. In a way I'm annoyed. I'd love to wear my Paddington Bear -hat, but I get too warm after five minutes. On the other hand I can wear my strange skirts without hypothermia.

It's good to be back.

Memories from the past few days

We got home safe yesterday. I'm feeling less tired now, so I decided to share a few memories in the form of pictures. You'll probably understand why I felt I couldn't do it justice with just words.


This is me on the ice of a lake. Snowmobiles used to be the best bit of winter for me when I was growing up, and driving one seems to be one skill I haven't forgotten. The white snow and the open space together with the speed makes it feel like meditating.

Himself started to call me "Evel Knievel". Hmmm... I didn't really go that fast! (And there wasn't any dangerous tricks involved either...)



This is the moment I can't describe. It was amazing, beautiful and touching.
I feel honoured they wanted me to be there.
You know what it feels like, when people you love get married, so I'll just let the picture speak.



The best-dressed wedding guest, Button.
Doesn't he look cute?


This is in Oulu. Himself wanted a picture of the frozen sea.
There were people walking on the ice, which was mind-boggling to an Irishman.

Still in Finland

Feeling a bit tired and lazy...

I got a loan of a camera, but I don't have my Picasa here. So I think I'll post a proper one when we get back home.

I saw my oldest friend yesterday, which was lovely. We had dinner in town and I finally saw her new home and not-so-new boyfriend. She showed us her newest craft-projects and photos, and we had the chance to catch-up. She's probably going to call in tomorrow and have dinner with us. (My dad loves her nearly as much as I do, and wants to hear all the news from the woman herself... :) )

Today we went to the forest on a snowmobile. This time it wasn't for fun, really; We went to get some wood for the sauna and the heating. Himself surprised my dad by knowing how to use the machine for making blocks. He definitely knows how to impress the in-laws!

Now I'll start watching an old Finnish black-and-white movie. My dad taped it specially for me, because I used to watch it over and over again when I was small. (I think the grand total comes closer to 100 times...)

The big day

My dad and stepmom finally got married today.
The wedding seremony itself only lasted for less than a half an hour, and was held in a little chapel. Myself, Himself and my stepsister with her boyfriend were the only guests.

Everything went well, we had cake at home and the newlyweds danced their first dance as a married couple (in their livingroom!). My stepsister's little dog was possibly the best-dressed guest in his little coat and bow -combo. (And somehow he ended up in more pictures than the actual stars of the day...)

Dad keeps joking that the everyday-life starts after the wedding.
After nearly 16 years, I think it's quite safe to say their life is going be just great! :)

Just a quick one...

We're in Finland!

It took us about 18 hours to get to my mom's place. The flight was delayed, which meant that we couldn't catch the train we were supposed to. We got one, and everything went well. We were five minutes away from the station, when the train suddenly stopped. Announcement said there was something wrong with the brakes. They got it fixed and we met my mother who was waiting.
It was great to get something to eat, go to sauna and we definitely didn't have trouble sleeping that night!

So far we've been driving the snowmobile, going to sauna every night, skiing and eating rye bread. Himself loves walking in the snow!
Today we drove to my old hometown and are staying with my Dad. The wedding is tomorrow!

I would have loved to put up some pics, but my camera decided to stop working... So you just have to imagine it; Half a metre of snow, cold, starry skies...

Surprises

On Saturday we took the bus to Navan. If you ask Himself, he will tell you it's not something you'd usually do on a Saturday afternoon. We had gotten an invite to a surprise 21st birthday, and decided to make a day of it. The journey to Navan is actually quite beautiful, all fields, little lambs and lovely houses.

Got there, I checked out the local Penneys and went on a major shopping spree (grand total €2,50; for 2 belts and a pair of gloves). We had pizzas and met up with the birthday boy afterwards.

He offered us a drink in his house, and cursed all the people who weren't coming to celebrate his big day. (Obviously we couldn't tell him the truth)

Went to town for pints and then came the time to go to the actual venue. And this is where the trouble started; He wouldn't go. It took some serious acting skills (Oscar -worthy material) to get there, people going to the "cash-machine" and to the "chipper's", but finally everyone was in the right place. Except for the main character of the evening, who had gotten as far as the door of the place, found an old schoolmate and decided to have a smoke. (Meanwhile everyone waits upstairs, frozen on the spot, waiting to shout "SURPRISE!")





All's well that ends well...
He arrived, got his presents (lots of drumsticks, go figure), blew the candles and gave a speech. His sisters had nicely put some pictures of him as a child on the walls, so there was entertainment as well. :)

( If someone threw me a surprise party, it would be: "SURP...! ...Where did she go?!", so fair play to Paul for behaving himself!)

Nightlife

My bodyclock has gone crazy altogether. It's past two, and I'm not even planning to go to bed. I just finished writing a list of suitable festivals in Finland (with the dates and contact details) for Angel Girl's other half. I sent my friend a book suggestion and read some lists. Himself is watching The Beatles documentary on the sofa next to me. So basically, if anyone was to walk in now, they would think it must be around seven o'clock in the evening.

I seem to get so much more done late at night. I finish reading books, remember to write things I'm supposed to write. And my brain seems to work so much better. We're re-organizing the apartment at the moment, and do all the brainstroming after midnight. And somehow everything works like magic when we execute the plans the next day.

Today we got the bedroom done. Most of the kitchen got sorted yesterday. I'm yet to decide what's in the program for tomorrow...

All there is left for tonight though, is a little walk in the quiet town and a nice cuppa before bedtime. Expect tiredness in the morning!

25 random facts

I got tagged yesterday. It wasn't in Blogger, but I thought it was a nice idea anyway. You write 25 things about yourself (they can be facts, random things, your goals or habits) and then you tag your friends to do the same.

So here it comes:

1. I have a cat, but she lives in Finland with my dad. She's used to open spaces, and would go crazy in a small apartment. I miss her, though.
2. For me, having noodles for breakfast every now and again is perfectly normal.
3. I have a half-sister, who I haven't seen in years.
4. Ever since we were in a car accident I've been scared in cars. For some reason I'm fairly ok when the person who crashed at the time is driving. Strange.
5. I collect drumsticks from gigs.
6. I still don't know what I want to be "when I grow up".
7. I love reading and dream of writing a book.
8. I don't want a traditional, huge wedding. Never did.
9. I've got only four people I think of as close friends. Himself is one of them.
10. I love reading recipes, but I always change them when I cook.
11. I'm not a morning person.
12. I hate bad excuses. "I would have called in but I ended up getting locked." -Really..?
13. I talk in my sleep. In several languages. Sometimes with my eyes open. Creepy? Yep.
14. I have visited 13 countries so far. I'd love to see more.
15. I write poems. I never show them to anyone.
16. I sometimes dream of being a housewife.
17. I have actually grown to like my regular customers. I like hearing about their families and other stuff.
18. I don't know how to take compliments.
19. My dad taught me all the important things, like how to cook and plant things.
20. I've lived in a hospital for months.
21. I love getting real, hand-written letters.
22. For some reason people here like telling me protestant jokes, even though I'm not a protestant.
23. I could spend a day in my jammies. Easily.
24. I've never been able to cook small amounts of food. I usually feed everyone who visits us.
25. Instead of writing this, I should be cleaning up.


I'm not going to tag anyone, but give it a go anyway! And leave a comment if you do. I'd love to see your random facts!

Emptiness in a shoebox

On Saturday we were offered a three-bedroom house. The rent would've been less than what we're paying at the moment. I got excited when I thought of all the space, the washing machine and the oven that would actually work. In my mind I was already planting carrots into the garden and baking cakes.

Himself on the other hand wasn't too happy about the idea. He said the main reason was the area and him being worried about his gear. We listed the pros and cons, my only con being the fact that he didn't feel good about it.

Later he told me that he would feel bad leaving his first proper home. That obviously changed everything. I have never felt sad leaving an apartment or a house, because nowhere has ever felt like home. I was always delighted to pack my stuff and go, or just leave my things behind if I needed to. I even lived out of a suitcase of stuff for six months at some stage. But I can still understand how important it is to have a feeling of "home", and I just couldn't take that away from someone. So I told we couldn't take the house.

I know I did the right thing, but I'm still walking around on autopilot. I keep looking at the piles of stuff everywhere and feel like crying. But not to worry; I promise to pull myself together soon! Even though I'm not going to get more space, I can create myself a starry sky with some glow in the dark stars.

There's always a compromise...